/
  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    The Whole Band Live In Concert!
    * 14 Songs including previously unreleased songs
    * 24 Track Digital Sound for spectacular clarity
    * Completely digital filming puts you right at the show!
    Includes full DVD quality video content of the show plus behind the scenes extras. You'll also get my newest ebook "Short Stories and Chicken Recipes".
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9 USD  or more

    You own this

     

  • The Whole Band Live In Concert!
    * 14 Song DVD and audio CD
    * 5.1 Surround Sound
    * 24 Track Digital Sound for spectacular clarity
    * Completely digital filming puts you right at the show!
    * Loads of bonus extras

    Includes unlimited streaming of Raising A Rockus via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

      $20 USD

    You own this  

     

  • Full Digital Discography Full Digital Discography

    Get all 28 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Binary Love, I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly), Until We Both Drop Dead, The Legend of Ms Garcia, Kissing In The Rain, Pretty From The Back (Album and Film), Super Dan, Rudolph the Blood Soaked Reindeer, and 20 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $41.60 USD or more (35% OFF)

    You own this

     

1.
2.
I’ve seen it before And man, I’d love to see it again I’ve been there before I really want to be there again It’s like a dream I’m having My little piece of heaven I’m trying to keep reality from setting in I wonder if I’ll Ever come back And I wonder if I even could Well it’s over now And I don’t know how And I’m living in a world of make believe Well it’s over now And I don’t know how And I’m living in a world of make believe I sit and think back My brain drifts over and out There’s only one track My train of thought is headed south I can’t remember the last time I paid attention to the signs My concentration’s going down for the count Slidin’ down Slippy slope Close my eyes I’m losing hope Of ever getting out of the clouds Can’t get back like JoJo So I guess I’m gonna go Back in the mental cave that I found You can ask I’ll say ‘What?” Don’t repeat My ears are shut Chorus
3.
I know you’ve got aspirations Of being the boss one day Who put that stick up your ass anyway Poster boy for company castration You grovel and you kiss the ground Go deep you just might make your whole face brown You’re the assistant manager company boy you sad pathetic fuck You’re and asshole And I don’t like you very much That water cooler might look better Stuck right up your butt Cuz you’re and asshole I can’t believe you’re still employed The company’s public image Must be one big hemorrhoid Cuz you’re an asshole You’re an asshole Oh oh You stick your nose deep in everyone’s business Well stay the hell out of mine You know it’ll come back to bite you in time I might just tell everyone here tonight That little thing I know about you I saw you in the closet sniffing glue And fellating a sheep in the copier room while the CEO tells you that Chorus You must be related to someone It’s the only way you coulda got here Underqualified, understatement of the year A left handed rabid crack-head chimpanzee Could do the job better than you You could even screw up flinging poo You’re the stupidest person that I’ve ever met And I just wanna ring your goddamned neck Chorus This song might offend a few But hopefully no one in this room But if you’re not singing then it’s true That I’m singing this here song about you Chorus
4.
Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Did your little brother rip up your lace? Silver spoon fall out your face? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Is death the only way out of this living hell? Why evil princess, do you live in the dark? Did your trust fund run out? Crash your Beamer when you parked? He little goth girl what’s the problem now? Did your black lipstick plum run all out? Satanic friends aren’t so devout? Hey little goth girl what’s the problem now? Maybe a little sun would help you out. Why do you cry on the floor at the club? Did you sit in some gum? Latex pants start to rub? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Did your boyfriend get his pale ass beat? Maid ask you to wipe your feet? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? You’ve got the money get a therapist. You’ve got the money get a therapist. You’ve got the money, why are you so pissed?
5.
And she won’t say why When I ask her why she cries She’s never been in love before And the future scares her more and more Cuz I’m not the kind of guy Her girlhood dreams designed And she can’t understand why I’m Not worried at all And this is what I tell when I Tell her we won’t fall I don’t have a million dollars And I don’t drive a Mercedes Benz But my heart is true My soul is pure I live on faith and trust And you can share my pixie dust She wonders if I’m the one To take away all that’s wrong Will I turn out like her dad Or stand up and be a man Can I provide all the things Her shy little heart could need ..dust that holds our life together Lighter than a feather Every doubt in your mind The trust That knows I won’t deceive With lies that you can see through Cus I just ain’t that kind
6.
If I was me I’d kick my ass If I was me you’d never last But I’m not me What the hell am I gonna do? She got he And I’m the one that got screwed Stop the ride , I wanna get off We share a brain, I’d make it stop But how? Chorus There’s two of me But only one loves her The other inside will commit homocide She loves me If the other doesn’t kill her I’ll feel fine Verse Why won’t you leave us alone? You make me heave, wretch a lot and groan But you won’t go I’ma have to get rough now Run for the door I set fire to your stuff now You better run before you’re in too deep Cuz I can take you out when you’re asleep If I was me, you’d be dead If I was me, I’d bludgeon in your head But I’m not me What the hell am I gonna do? She got he And I’m the one that got screwed Stop the ride , I wanna get off We share a brain, I’d make it stop But how?
7.
I… I can’t live without you My tears in a flood Would drain all my blood Without your love And you… You can’t live without me Your life would be bare No one to pull your hair While you’re down on your knees Chorus But let’s do the horizontal tango Gonna take you home baby Make you squeal like a pig Let’s do the horizontal tango Got my chips and whips Swivelly hips and my creamy ranch dip Let’s do the horizontal tango You’re kinda freaky Like a homeless guy, but cute And you… You dance so divinely Pressed up against me Feeling ever so free Wearing only whipped cream And I… Can’t stand it much longer I’ll have to stop you For a minute or two Or it’s over too soon Chorus Baby….. This has never happened before ‘Cept with you…. But… Chorus
8.
If I could see with you eyes If I could breathe with your lips If I could love with your heart Then I could start To be just like you Chorus A lying cheating whore Who never does me right Blows my friends on poker Only goes into my jeans to strip my wallet clean You’re a lying cheating whore If I could dress like a slut Make more home deliveries than Pizza Hut If I could show my tits to every biker that passed Then I’d have man boobs And boy would that suck Chorus But you’re a lying cheating whore Who’s special cherry pie Reminds me of a sewer line Who drops trou at the drop of a hat You’d make a good rat trap You’re a lying cheating whore You’ll never know How hard I cried When you said those three little words … It’s too small Chorus But you’re a lying cheating whore Who’s hole is much too big It’s an archeological dig They found the last poor schmuck Who fell in when you fucked You’re a lying cheating whore If I were drunk You might still be hot But only followed by a penicillin shot Cuz you’re a lying cheating whore
9.
Kind of day where I feel like I wear a crown Take my car gonna drive all around the town See a girl walkin’ by never know her name But I don’t mind cuz it’s gonna be just a hella good day Got some money in my pocket and my belly’s full Feelin’ fine in my ride and I’m looking cool All my friends wave at me as I pass and say There’s a guy that’s gonna have just a hella good day What’s a hella good day in my little world? How ‘bout a hearty lunch with my favorite girl Shoot the dice, win a hundred bucks at craps Hittin’ Disneyland without any maps Now this may not be your favorite way But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day Chorus Hella good day means some extra sleep But not too late cuz I got a date to keep My favorite cartoons are on the tube today My girl’s coming over, she needs to just get laid Now this may not be your favorite way But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day Chorus Hella good means I get to jam tonight Makin’ noise with the boys that I know you’ll like Happy people on the floor in front of me Scremin’ more like it’s musical extasy Crawlin’ home and getting in my bed Amplifiers ringing in my head Star Wars novel waiting there for me I’ve read every single one you see Now this may not be your favorite way But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day Chorus
10.
When I was a young warthog I asked for a Xmas gift A Red Ryder bb gun to give my world a little lift They said I’d shoot my eye out, but I asked Santa anyway I put out the milk and cookies and woke up on Xmas day To find two packs of underwear, a turtle neck, and a book on the chemical composition of fossils found in Antarctic glaciers But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want Cuz I know what Santa wants Chorus A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine I went on a search to get what I need and I found it in my hood I met a guy who had the stuff to get Santa off real good He said “Xmas time is yours this year. The fat man will love these chicks. They do this special Xmas trick with tree flocking, curling ribbon, and egg nog.” But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want Cuz I know what Santa wants A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine I went downstairs to take a little peek And the man with the beard to see what I could see He did the line and he did the booze, but he hadn’t touched the ho’s Could Santa be gay? Oh no, there he goes But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want Cuz I know what Santa wants A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
11.
12.
Everyone can hear you coming from five miles away In your juiced up Chevrolet Windows rattle with the noise They’re going thump thump thump I pull up next to you at a red stop light Looking to my right, see you wear ear plugs You’re Forrest Gump Gump Gump You’re Forrest Gump Gump Gump And I hope that you’re chest implodes When your speakers blow out Chorus Brown Ring Around The Collar Do you know that your head’s up your ass today? Brown Ring Around The Collar I would ask that you please do not procreate Brown Ring Around The Collar Is it hard to eat? Is it hard to poop? Brown Ring Around The Collar Are you stuck in an endless fecal feedback loop? Got an order for me and the five other guys Hit the fast food joint with wide open eyes Not a drink in sight, but you don’t realize You’re a chump chump chump You ask for here or to go and I say Do I look that hungry anyway, Asshole? You stare right back at me with those two blank eyes Like a lump lump lump And I hope that you choke on the fry That you stole from the trash Chorus Bridge Hey bendejo Hey bobosso Hey bendejo, yeah! Hey bendejo Hey, hey, hey, what! God damn stupid people piss me off 98 degrees in the shade and you’re waiting in line Six hours at a time in a place made for play Miss fashion plate’s gotta have her high heels on She’s going clump clump clump Your ankles swell to the size of two small dogs By the end of the day At least swap the nine inch heels away For some pump pump pumps And I hope that your heel breaks off And birds shit on your dress Chorus
13.
Come on inside There ain’t no charge now We want to see you here The cover’s optional my dear Do I make myself clear? We got the stuff to get you high Won’t you come on in? Chemicals are false my dear It’s more like original sin Back in the corner the freaks get freaky Out on the floor the love gets high DJ plays the beats that free me Baby won’t you come inside? The Rumpalicious Booty Shaker Chorus Take your shoes off Let your hair down Take those drawers off Make a love sound Verse 2 Welcome welcome Don’t be shy Let me take your hand This sure ain’t no dead man’s party So bring that body in Your gonna want to do things You wouldn’t even do alone We’re gonna do some things to you Gonna make you scream and moan Come on shake what ya momma gave you Leave inhibition far behind Do what your body tells you to do Oh yeah baby, you’re my kind Of Rumpalicious Booty Shaker Chorus White boys can’t funk Repeat Let’s pretend that we break up So we can make up And I got some slack that you can take up Like the purple one said when he got in your head And on top of the bed Ain’t no one else around I tie you with a blindfold, gagged and bound I don’t mind Cuz it’s all about sex And lovin’ this life and the next That’s my cosmic talk You don’t think I’m hard? It ain’t bizarre Just watch me play this guitar Guitar Solo Everybody up in the place Get up in my face Get up in my face Repeat
14.
You and I were talking About how much we love each other Saying things that lovers say Promises kept til our dying day, oh yeah I turned to you, one thought in mind Hoping that you’d make the sacrifice Hoped you wouldn’t run away Hoped you wouldn’t hate the things I’d say I’d lie down in the rain I’d swallow all the pain Of a hundred thousand invertebrates Chomping at my brain But would you eat whale blubber for me I’d blow a grizzly bear Shave off all my body hair I’d sucker punch an old grandma Just because I care But would you eat whale blubber for me Our love is like a junkyard Full and worth so much to someone That someone is us Our junkyard of lust, oh yeah. I turned to you on bended knee You passed the joint and I could see your love You love for me is all too real I’m hoping that you’ll prove it with a meal I’d lie down in the rain I’d swallow all the pain Of a hundred thousand invertebrates Chomping at my brain But would you eat whale blubber for me I’d lick up all the crust From the tires of your truck I’d have gay sex with Donald Duck I just don’t give a Ahh…ahh…ahh But would you eat whale blubber for me

about

Roadside Attraction has always been at our best on stage. And finally you can have a high quality document of the Roadside Attraction concert experience to enjoy in your own home! Featuring the band's best known hits and brand new jams!

credits

released September 1, 2007

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

tags

about

Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Report this album or account