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The Legend of Ms Garcia

by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction



A song about the Spanish teacher from my high school influenced by 1950's Mexican calendar girls and the theme music from Zorro.


She rose like a rose from the desert
A seniorita with text book in hand
But one never failed to drop things 'neath her desk
Cuz she wore nothing up under her dress

Ms Garcia
The vaguely slutty Spanish teacher
What young man could learn how to roll is R's
When his pants look like they are hiding cigars
The only phrase in his mind is "estoy cachando"
Which is Spanish for "I'm super horny"
Visions of hot dogs wrapped in tortillas
Twas the legend of Ms Garcia

Things got weird when she taught them "el burro"
It's a donkey or ass she would say
Now use it in a sentence
Frank, you're up to bat
He said, Can I wear your burro as a hat?

Ms Garcia
The vaguely slutty Spanish teacher
The girls in the class conjugate verbs correct
The boys cannot think cuz they're fully erect
She tells them "el gato, ees mean pussy cat"
And ten boys run for the bathroom
Except for poor Carlos, cuz she is his tia
Twas the legend of Ms Garcia

They scream "te amo" as they throw roses at her feet
To get a look at her back seat
Like a pinata filled with meat

Ms Garcia
The vaguely slutty Spanish teacher
They try to get her outside on a good windy day
Like a Mexican Marilyn on a subway grate
If the wind is just right you'd swear you smell tacos
And the boys become stiff as the breeze
They'd hoped she was easy like a shelf from Ikea
Twas the legend of Ms Garcia

To me it was hearsay and rumor
Second hand knowledge at best
My own thirst for truth would never be quenched
Because I took French.


released February 5, 2016




Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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