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Women are always trying to look hot to attract the right guy. And right under their noses is a class of men that don’t care how hot they are. Geeks. Geeks don’t care if you’re super hot. Geeks care that you don’t have a penis.

This is the brand new, full band arrangement. Very different from the one on my "Be Yourself" DVD.

I originally wrote this song after performing at a breast cancer benefit event produced by an internet radio station that had a heavy geek following. There's nothing more exciting than seeing people in their element with their kind of people. And I was equally excited to see all the loving geek relationships at the event.

So this song is about finding your perfect match. Even when two fives make a ten.


You don't have to me anorexic like a teenage popstar
And it's totally cool if you've got some scars
If you want to be sure that you'll wed
Play the Imperial March when he comes to bed
He'll be the world's most faithful suitor
When he sees the tattoos of Captain Kirk on your hooters

With a geek by your side
Even if your butt is wide
You can roll with pride
Through the Ren Fair

With a geek you'll be fine
You can look like Frankenstein
He will not decline
You're the answer to his prayer
Cuz geeks don't care

If you dress like slave girl Princess Leia
There's a really good chance that he'll wanna lay ya
On a king size bed with Harry Potter sheets
Call him Lord Vader when he skeet skeet skeets
Always tell him that he's your guitar hero
You'll be his final fantasy

With a geek you'll be glad
Cuz baldness ain't so bad
Sigourney Weaver looked totally rad
In Alien with no hair

With a geek you'll be on track
Even with your hairy back
He'll supply you with what you lack
A lifetime supply of Nair
Cuz geeks don't care

He's a five, you're a five
Together you're a ten
Some hot geek love is about to begin

With a geek you'll be hot
It's just a little jungle rot
Just flash him a little coin slot
He'll forget it's there

With a geek life if good
If you're breathing he'll get wood
Lepers are misunderstood
You're just a crusty teddy bear
Cuz geeks don't care.


released July 9, 2012




Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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