Get all 46 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Designer Babies, Do You Believe In Tragic?, Kitties and Boobs, Dodged A Bullet, Kissing In The Rain (2022 Remaster), Happiest Place On Earth, I'm Not Really In The Christmas Mood This Year (feat. Dave Leon), Burning Sensation: The San Diego Bootleg, and 38 more.
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Childfree
07:39
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Adventures In Florida
06:45
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Spicy Food
02:55
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You Can't Braid It
04:34
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Unrealistic Sex Toys
02:10
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10. |
Let Me
02:47
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Ooh, we've been together a long long time
And it's always been so good
But baby, it can be better
Cuz when we go golfing on the greens of love
There's only one hole you won't let me putt
But baby, I'll tell you what
Let me put it in your sister
What'd you think I meant?
Let me put it in your sister
When she's back from the convent
Cuz when she comes home for Christmas I can't help myself
I see her and I wanna put my elf up on her shelf
Let me put it in your sister
Whose professional title is also Sister
Now look, babydoll, it's all just a joke
I'd never do such things
You're too important to me
But now when we're alone and we're making love
And we're oh so close you won't seem so glum
When I ask to put it in your bum
Let me put it in your keister
Baby just one time
Right up in your chocolate twister
And call me Dr. Cockenstein
It's an exclusive club that only allows in members
And I hope you'll smile when you remember
That it's not inside your sister
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11. |
Wish You The Best
01:17
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I wish only the best for you
And I wish for your happiness too
And I wish for your new boyfriend, Steve
Muthafuckin' Steve
To have his nutsack torn wide open
In a chainsaw accident
It doesn't take it off
But just opens it right up
And he has to chase his testicles
As they're rolling down the driveway
While he bleeds out
And I hope that you see them
And think "Oh my god"
"I had those in my mouth"
Because that's where I found them
When I found out you don't love me anymore
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12. |
A Phallic Instrument
01:02
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Lock up your daughters
We're coming for them
Gonna have some consensual sex
If they don't wanna
We're gonna respect that
Cuz I'm a good male feminist
Oh well it's Saturday night and I'm feeling alright
I manifest gratitutde, I'm blessed
And tonight we're gonna rock until an appropriate hour
And then get 8 hours of rest
Eight hours of rest
I wanna rock
And that means being inclusive
Of people and their cultures
Without appropriation
I wanna rock
But let's make sure that it's conducive
To a balanced life of work and play
And avoiding all gluten
I wanna rock
Don't drink too much
Don't drive, there's Uber
Make sure you're staying hydrated
And then tomorrow
Go do some yoga
Your root chakra's looking kinda faded
Cuz we'll be hittin' the town and tearin' it down
We're gonna up and gentrify this bitch
But we'll always make sure that there's affordable housing
We'll put it underneath the bridge
Underneath the bridge
I wanna rock
Cuz I find my work fulfilling
And I invest in companies that are
ecologically sound
I wanna rock
I don't need no 401K
Cuz I'm a cowboy and a rebel
With a maxed-out IRA
I wanna rock
I wanna rock
Do ya wanna rock?
If you don't wanna rock then that's ok
This is a judgment free zone
And everybody to each their own
But I wanna rock
If you don't wanna rock?
Our differences are just to be embraced
I don't see color, I don't see race
I'm not even sure you've got a face
Not even sure you've got a face
I wanna rock
Because you're you and you've got spunk
You'll never hear me use a slur
Not even when I'm drunk
I wanna rock
With tolerance for your religion
Jesus or Mohammed or a goat with sixteen heads
I wanna rock
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
I'll tolerate you
Can I have permission to rock?
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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas
Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more
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