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Burning Sensation

by Phil Johnson

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Childfree 07:40
Spicy Food 03:02
Let Me 02:27
Ooh, we've been together a long long time And it's always been so good But baby, it can be better Cuz when we go golfing on the greens of love There's only one hole you won't let me putt But baby, I'll tell you what Let me put it in your sister What'd you think I meant? Let me put it in your sister When she's back from the convent Cuz when she comes home for Christmas I can't help myself I see her and I wanna put my elf up on her shelf Let me put it in your sister Whose professional title is also Sister Now look, babydoll, it's all just a joke I'd never do such things You're too important to me But now when we're alone and we're making love And we're oh so close you won't seem so glum When I ask to put it in your bum Let me put it in your keister Baby just one time Right up in your chocolate twister And call me Dr. Cockenstein It's an exclusive club that only allows in members And I hope you'll smile when you remember That it's not inside your sister
I wish only the best for you And I wish for your happiness too And I wish for your new boyfriend, Steve Muthafuckin' Steve To have his nutsack torn wide open In a chainsaw accident It doesn't take it off But just opens it right up And he has to chase his testicles As they're rolling down the driveway While he bleeds out And I hope that you see them And think "Oh my god" "I had those in my mouth" Because that's where I found them When I found out you don't love me anymore
Lock up your daughters We're coming for them Gonna have some consensual sex If they don't wanna We're gonna respect that Cuz I'm a good male feminist  Oh well it's Saturday night and I'm feeling alright I manifest gratitutde, I'm blessed And tonight we're gonna rock until an appropriate hour And then get 8 hours of rest Eight hours of rest I wanna rock And that means being inclusive Of people and their cultures Without appropriation I wanna rock But let's make sure that it's conducive To a balanced life of work and play And avoiding all gluten I wanna rock Don't drink too much Don't drive, there's Uber Make sure you're staying hydrated And then tomorrow Go do some yoga Your root chakra's looking kinda faded Cuz we'll be hittin' the town and tearin' it down We're gonna up and gentrify this bitch But we'll always make sure that there's affordable housing We'll put it underneath the bridge Underneath the bridge I wanna rock Cuz I find my work fulfilling And I invest in companies that are ecologically sound I wanna rock I don't need no 401K Cuz I'm a cowboy and a rebel With a maxed-out IRA I wanna rock I wanna rock Do ya wanna rock? If you don't wanna rock then that's ok This is a judgment free zone And everybody to each their own But I wanna rock If you don't wanna rock? Our differences are just to be embraced I don't see color, I don't see race I'm not even sure you've got a face Not even sure you've got a face I wanna rock Because you're you and you've got spunk You'll never hear me use a slur Not even when I'm drunk I wanna rock With tolerance for your religion Jesus or Mohammed or a goat with sixteen heads I wanna rock I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you I'll tolerate you Can I have your permission to rock


Like my previous specials, “Burning Sensation” is filled with sharp unexpected turns, sneak attack jokes, and hilarious songs… But this time I take the material into more controversial territory, not shying away from race, sex, religion, and doughnuts – so many doughnuts – all delivered from the viewpoint of a guy who happily grew up in the deeply multi-everything community of the San Francisco Bay Area.

An underlying theme in this show is the intent behind words. That’s why I’ve named it ‘Burning Sensation’. A ‘Burning SenSATION’ is something hot and popular. But a ‘BURNing Sensation’ is an irritant that makes you think about what you’ve been doing. I hope this show is a little of both.


released November 12, 2020


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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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