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Santa's Working From Home

by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

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This is the first song I've written that I hope is totally irrelevant as soon as possible. Even Santa has to work from home during a pandemic.


The workshop is dark
The elves have been furloughed
The ribbons and bows have been outsourced
To an Amazon center in New Mexico

And now he's looking at his list and checking it twice
But he already knows who's been naughty and nice
Cuz he's got a TV and the cable news
Might change his Santa suit from red to blue

No cookies and milk
No Christmas trees all aglow
Cuz it's 2020 and Santa
Santa's working from home
Santa's working from home

No chimneys this year
He thinks it's just as well
With all the damn delivery food
His pants don't fit cuz his waist has swelled

But who needs pants in the dining room
When you talk with toy execs on yet another Zoom
He still talks to kids just not at the mall
Playing Fortnite where he kills them all

No stockings to fill
No drop ins to say shalom
Getting cotton swabs
Jammed up in his dome
Cuz it's 2020 and Santa
Santa's working from home
Santa's working from home

Way back in February it was all a bit less scary
But pyrocumulonimbus ain't no joke
Now with hurricanes and fire it's tough to be a flyer
Even Rudolph can't cut through the smoke
Air like egg yolk

So now he's sitting at home
Taking hits off his flask
Sending tweets to the people on his naughty list
Saying wear a goddamn mask

But it's a little different story for Mrs Claus
Taking online classes in finance law
For a second act of fighting white collar crooks
And negotiating deals for her tell all books

No sleigh in the air
The reindeer are postponed
No kissing on your mommy
Under the mistletoe
Cuz it's 2020 and Santa
Santa's working from home
Santa's working from home
He'd made so much sourdough


released November 27, 2020


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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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