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1.
Little baby you were brought here through a miracle And a broken condom I didn't know sperm carried knives And somehow you got by the IUD The diaphragm, the spermicide, and a morning after pill But if Daddy hadn't been so drunk And Mommy hadn't run out of batteries If Daddy pulled out on time Instead of thinking 'bout Angelina Jolie Then baby you wouldn't be here You'd have been wiped up with a towel Little baby will your new life be a happy one Or will you make your money Putting sausage between your buns Will you be a great man Who brings peace to all the land Or the type of guy that lures kids into a big white cargo van And since you're pretty scary I'm really glad that you're not mine And I guess I'm pretty happy That your mommy cheated on me this time So go ahead and be Just as evil as you wanna be Hell yes, I dodged that bullet and I'm free.
2.
Little baby you were brought here through a miracle And a broken condom I didn't know sperm carried knives And somehow you got by the IUD The diaphragm, the spermicide, and a morning after pill But if Daddy hadn't been so drunk And Mommy hadn't run out of batteries If Daddy pulled out on time Instead of thinking 'bout Angelina Jolie Then baby you wouldn't be here You'd have been wiped up with a towel Little baby will your new life be a happy one Or will you make your money Putting sausage between your buns Will you be a great man Who brings peace to all the land Or the type of guy that lures kids into a big white cargo van And since you're pretty scary I'm really glad that you're not mine And I guess I'm pretty happy That your mommy cheated on me this time So go ahead and be Just as evil as you wanna be Hell yes, I dodged that bullet and I'm free.

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released September 6, 2012

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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