What Color Is Your Laugh?

by Phil Johnson of Roadside Attraction

/
  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Phil's First Stand-Up Comedy DVD!
    * 65 minutes of stand-up comedy and music!
    * Features lots of previously unreleased songs
    * Widescreen format
    Includes the video of the entire show in MP4 format. A separate download link will arrive with your audio files to get it. You also get my newest ebook "Short Stories and Chicken Recipes".
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD  or more

    You own this

     

  • Phil's First Stand-Up Comedy DVD!
    * 65 minutes of stand-up comedy and music!
    * Features lots of previously unreleased songs
    * Widescreen format

    Includes unlimited streaming of What Color Is Your Laugh? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

      $20 USD

    You own this  

     

  • Full Digital Discography Full Digital Discography

    Get all 28 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Binary Love, I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly), Until We Both Drop Dead, The Legend of Ms Garcia, Kissing In The Rain, Pretty From The Back (Album and Film), Super Dan, Rudolph the Blood Soaked Reindeer, and 20 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $41.60 USD or more (35% OFF)

    You own this

     

1.
2.
00:55
3.
08:34
4.
04:09
As I step through the door I can see the look in her eyes It's a look I see more and more To see it nearly makes me cry And it doesn't take much reading To really know the meaning of a look that says You're not gonna get any tonight I'm really mad at you Hell no we ain't gonna screw And you're not gonna get any tonight Her lips said no But here eyes Yeah her eyes Said no too I'm sorry baby I never meant you harm I said as I stepped up towards her To hold her in my arms I think she missed my meaning I knew I'd take the fall As she brought her eyes up towards mine And kicked me in the balls And said You're not gonna get any tonight Cuz until you get a clue I'm gonna let your balls be blue And you're not gonna get any tonight Didn't know what I'd done I was hard at work all day Even carried groceries for a nun Helped a man with his toupee Bought us tickets to the ballet And a play in Monterey Took a trip to Comp USA Cleaned out my car's ashtray Took my dose of vitamin K For lunch I had a fish fillet And a small glass of Cabernet Then I wrote out a long essay And a Mexican called me ese But much to my dismay She had a different day And I think I missed her meaning I knew there'd be some pleading for a point And she said to me I had a dream about you last night and you were in a hot top with three blonde women with big boobies... And you liked it! And you're not gonna get any tonight Cuz my dream it seemed so real I could club you like a baby seal And you're not gonna get any No lovin' til summer, not even a hummer And you're not gonna get any tonight.
5.
6.
03:47
7.
01:16
8.
05:04
9.
10.
05:14
11.
04:19
12.
I took an early plane at 7:45 I drove up to the gate of that gleam in Mickey's eye Gave the parking guy my wallet And he sucked that puppy dry Guess I'll hit the ATM inside of the Happiest place on earth Where any discount that they offer is just a little joke And you have to get a bank loan for a churro and a coke Mickey's got a strong pimp hand At Disneyland I strolled on through the gates of this wondrous magic place And I was met by a mouse up in my face And I know his name is Mickey But his palms are a little sticky Now my wallet's gone without a trace Goddamn rat At the happiest place on earth Where all the birds look like they're talking And plastic flowers bloom Cuz Goofy's selling roofies inside the Tiki Room. Mickey's got a strong pimp hand At Disneyland All I wanted was a t-shirt Why oh why does my butt hurt? Minnie Mouse is a big flirt Just put the money on the dresser And if you can't pay your way in Be aware of Mickey's hit men There's seven of the little kin Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, and Trigger Happy I stepped onto a boat to hear the children sing It's A Small World is such a sweet refrain Then I saw something that had me quite confused A bunch of them were making tennis shoes At the happiest place on earth Where you lose all of your money playing cards with Donald Duck And for just a little honey Winnie the Pooh will give you a good.... Mickey's got a strong pimp hand At Disneyland Don't end up in a shallow grave by a murderous little dwarf At Disneyland
13.
03:44
I'm driving down the I-1-5 Leaving those second rate joints behind I'm headed straight for the glitz and glam To flush my money right down the can In Las Vegas Where you can see the stars In Las Vegas You can snort coke with whores Where bratty little rich kids can blow their whole inheritance And proper Christian sisters rub shoulders with the heretics Fat midwestern housewives can lose the college fund To keep their little children dumb enough To go to Vegas There's no sight like a showgirl's dress Or the sight of her big beautiful talent I know how Vegas can affect your mood Your dirty mind just thought of something rude In Las Vegas Where you can drink for free In Las Vegas You can get VD And if you play your cards right she'll be your biggest fan And yes that pretty hooker might just be a man But it's just your Uncle Murray living out his dream And hoping you don't tell your Aunt Doreen In Las Vegas In Las Vegas Where it's really goddamn hot In Las Vegas If you're Tupac you just might get shot Where a turn of the roulette can pay off all your bills Or put you on the street using your oral skills To try to get enough dough to get back home Where you swear you never ever gonna go back to Vegas Rotten Vegas Cesspool Vegas Kinda miss Vegas When's the next flight back to Vegas Turn the plane around
14.
04:57
If I could see with your eyes If I could breathe with your lips If I could love with your heart Then I could start To be just like you A lying cheating whore Who never does me right Blows my friends on poker night Only goes into my jeans to strip my wallet clean You're a lying cheating whore If I could dress like a slut Make more home deliveries than Pizza Hut If I could show my tits to every biker that passed Then I'd have man boobs And boy would that suck But you're a lying cheating whore Who's special cherry pie Reminds me of a sewer line Who drops trou at the drop of a hat You'd make a good rat trap You're a lying cheating whore You'll never know How hard I cried When you said those Three little words It's too small But you're a lying cheating whore Whose hole is much too big It's an archeological dig They found the last poor schmuck Who fell in when you fucked You're a lying cheating whore If I were drunk You might still be hot But only followed by a penicillin shot Cuz you're a lying cheating whore
15.
04:26
I know you've got aspirations of being the boss one day Who put that stick up your ass anyway? Poster boy for company castration You grovel and you kiss the ground Go deep, you just might make your whole face brown Assistant manager, company boy, you sad pathetic fuck You're an asshole And I don't like you very much That water cooler might look better stuck right up your butt Cuz you're an asshole I can't believe you're still employed The company's public image must be one big hemorrhoid You stick your nose deep in everyone's business Well stay the hell out of mine You know it'll come back to bite you in time I might just tell everyone here tonight That little thing I know about you I caught you in the closet sniffing glue And fellating a sheep in the copier room while the CEO that Chorus This song might offend a few But hopefully no one in this room But if you're not singing then it's true That I'm singing this here song about you Chorus
16.
You make me feel like I could do anything You make me feel like I could do anything I could stick a lightsaber up Darth Vader's ass Eat Taco Bell and never get gas Stick my head in an alligator's jaw But that would be fucking stupid And you make me feel like I could do anything I live just to see the twinkle in your eye The same one you get watching a death row inmate die But we might have more fun with some Spanish Fly You make me feel like I can do anything Make hot monkey love to you under the stars Or in the back seat of your boss's new car Touch little boys and get a Vatican pardon Cuz nothing says holy like a priest with a hard on And you make me feel like I can do anything My day doesn't end til there's a smile on your face Like beating that old lady to the best parking space Like Adolph telling Eva about his master race And you make feel like I could do anything With you in my life I will always have joy With you in my life I'll have no more hemorrhoids You're Preparation H for my soul And you make me feel like I can do anything I feel so empowered Like the world is my oyster Like a creative genius Who could find a rhyme for oyster Is this song making you moister? You make me feel like I could do anything I could drive a monster Through the front window of a Walmart And kill a hundred white trash rednecks How's that for ironic? With you I can do anything Like maybe End my show

about

Phil's first stand-up comedy DVD! From gay NASCAR drivers to modern day pirates to the seedy underbelly of the world's most beloved theme park, Phil takes aim at subjects that some people hold very dear... and other people totally don't understand. Includes previously unreleased songs!

credits

released September 15, 2008

license

tags

about

Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Report this album or account