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Roadside Attraction - Horizontal Tango

from Raising A Rockus by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction



So many women have the fantasy of the exotic, tall, dark, Spanish lover. He's romantic, always out to satisfy your needs. Well, let's shatter that little image, shall we? Juan, or Domingo, or Zorro, or whatever the hell his name is, is a dysfunctional pervert like every other guy. He wants to cover you in whipped cream and get a BJ. And sometimes he might come too soon. But he'll do it all to a Disco beat, baby.


I… I can’t live without you
My tears in a flood
Would drain all my blood
Without your love

And you… You can’t live without me
Your life would be bare
No one to pull your hair
While you’re down on your knees

But let’s do the horizontal tango
Gonna take you home baby
Make you squeal like a pig
Let’s do the horizontal tango
Got my chips and whips
Swivelly hips and my creamy ranch dip
Let’s do the horizontal tango
You’re kinda freaky
Like a homeless guy, but cute

And you… You dance so divinely
Pressed up against me
Feeling ever so free
Wearing only whipped cream

And I… Can’t stand it much longer
I’ll have to stop you
For a minute or two
Or it’s over too soon


This has never happened before
‘Cept with you….



from Raising A Rockus, released September 1, 2007




Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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