I Know I Shouldn't Say This, But​.​.​.

by Roadside Attraction

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1.
03:18
If I could see with you eyes If I could breathe with your lips If I could love with your heart Then I could start To be just like you Chorus A lying cheating whore Who never does me right Blows my friends on poker Only goes into my jeans to strip my wallet clean You’re a lying cheating whore If I could dress like a slut Make more home deliveries than Pizza Hut If I could show my tits to every biker that passed Then I’d have man boobs And boy would that suck Chorus But you’re a lying cheating whore Who’s special cherry pie Reminds me of a sewer line Who drops trou at the drop of a hat You’d make a good rat trap You’re a lying cheating whore You’ll never know How hard I cried When you said those three little words … It’s too small Chorus But you’re a lying cheating whore Who’s hole is much too big It’s an archeological dig They found the last poor schmuck Who fell in when you fucked You’re a lying cheating whore If I were drunk You might still be hot But only followed by a penicillin shot Cuz you’re a lying cheating whore.
2.
I… I can’t live without you My tears in a flood Would drain all my blood Without your love And you… You can’t live without me Your life would be bare No one to pull your hair While you’re down on your knees Chorus But let’s do the horizontal tango Gonna take you home baby Make you squeal like a pig Let’s do the horizontal tango Got my chips and whips Swivelly hips and my creamy ranch dip Let’s do the horizontal tango You’re kinda freaky Like a homeless guy, but cute And you… You dance so divinely Pressed up against me Feeling ever so free Wearing only whipped cream And I… Can’t stand it much longer I’ll have to stop you For a minute or two Or it’s over too soon Chorus Baby….. This has never happened before ‘Cept with you…. But… Chorus
3.
03:44
I know you’ve got aspirations Of being the boss one day Who put that stick up your ass anyway Poster boy for company castration You grovel and you kiss the ground Go deep you just might make your whole face brown You’re the assistant manager company boy you sad pathetic fuck Chorus You’re and asshole And I don’t like you very much That water cooler might look better Stuck right up your butt Cuz you’re and asshole I can’t believe you’re still employed The company’s public image Must be one big hemorrhoid Cuz you’re an asshole You’re an asshole Oh oh You stick your nose deep in everyone’s business Well stay the hell out of mine You know it’ll come back to bite you in time I might just tell everyone here tonight That little thing I know about you I saw you in the closet sniffing glue And fellating a sheep in the copier room while the CEO tells you that Chorus You must be related to someone It’s the only way you coulda got here Underqualified, understatement of the year A left handed rabid crack-head chimpanzee Could do the job better than you You could even screw up flinging poo You’re the stupidest person that I’ve ever met And I just wanna ring your goddamned neck Chorus This song might offend a few But hopefully no one in this room But if you’re not singing then it’s true That I’m singing this here song about you Chorus
4.
Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Did your little brother rip up your lace? Silver spoon fall out your face? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Is death the only way out of this living hell? Why evil princess, do you live in the dark? Did your trust fund run out? Crash your Beamer when you parked? He little goth girl what’s the problem now? Did your black lipstick plum run all out? Satanic friends aren’t so devout? Hey little goth girl what’s the problem now? Maybe a little sun would help you out. Why do you cry on the floor at the club? Did you sit in some gum? Latex pants start to rub? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? Did your boyfriend get his pale ass beat? Maid ask you to wipe your feet? Hey little goth girl why you look so sad? You’ve got the money get a therapist. You’ve got the money get a therapist. You’ve got the money, why are you so pissed?
5.
6.

about

There are things you'd love to say to people but feel you can't out of a sense of propriety. So, it's my job to say them for you. Here we investigate the cheating lovers, sexual fantasies, goth kids, and those idiot co-workers of yours.

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released July 1, 2006

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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