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A manic fever dream of a song about the true engine of the internet. The internet being that giant hamster water bottle we all lap at to induce brain chemicals to make us happy.. or mad... or both.

And so I created a song that's as shallow and vapid as the internet itself.

lyrics

The internet is made of kitties and boobs
Saturday is Caturday
Tuesdays are for tits and tacos
The internet is nothing but kitties and boobs
Pussycats, the kind that have pubes too

Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs

The internet is made of kitties and boobs
Mondays are for mammaries
Fridays are for getting furry
Assuming furry means you've got photos of cats
Or people dressing up to look like sexy rats

Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs

Now you might be thinking
"Phil, that's not really all that's on the internet, is it?"
And to you I say, "You're right."
Cuz we also have

Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts
Puppies and Butts

Golden retrievers and big heavy heavers
Fluffy old Persians and cushions for pushin'
Big Great Dane Scoobies and cute little boobies
Pictures of Maine Coons eclipsed by a full moon
Bulldogs and Frenchies, her tail of two cities
Siamese muses and ample cabooses
Sweet little beagles and cavernous cleavage
Calico kittens and loveseats for sittin'
Valiant Dalmatians and lactation stations
Shorthairs and big pairs and Foxhounds and flesh mounds
Sphynxs and sphincters and corgis and cocktails
Akitas, bikinis, and bobtails and hot tails
Collies and Burmese bazoombas and kiesters
Puppies and fun bags that create nor'easters.

Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs
Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs
Puppies and Butts
Kitties and Boobs

The internet is made of kitties and boobs
And hella angry people
Puppies and Butts

credits

released May 27, 2022

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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