Everyone knows that one girl. The heartbreaker. Behind her she leaves a trail of shattered hearts and bitter words. It's about time someone called her out for what she really is. Ladies, this can go for the guys too. But for obvious reasons, I sang about a girl.


If I could see with you eyes
If I could breathe with your lips
If I could love with your heart
Then I could start
To be just like you

A lying cheating whore
Who never does me right
Blows my friends on poker
Only goes into my jeans to strip my wallet clean
You’re a lying cheating whore

If I could dress like a slut
Make more home deliveries than Pizza Hut
If I could show my tits to every biker that passed
Then I’d have man boobs
And boy would that suck

But you’re a lying cheating whore
Who’s special cherry pie
Reminds me of a sewer line
Who drops trou at the drop of a hat
You’d make a good rat trap
You’re a lying cheating whore

You’ll never know
How hard I cried
When you said those three little words
… It’s too small

But you’re a lying cheating whore
Who’s hole is much too big
It’s an archeological dig
They found the last poor schmuck
Who fell in when you fucked
You’re a lying cheating whore

If I were drunk
You might still be hot
But only followed by a penicillin shot
Cuz you’re a lying cheating whore.


from I Know I Shouldn't Say This, But​.​.​., released July 1, 2006




Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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