A love song about co-dependent rednecks. She can do all kinds of mean things to him and he’ll love her anyway, but there’s just one thing that he can’t stand. That one thing is definite grounds for dismissal.


When you two stepped on my heart
I had a feeling we would part
I should have seen it coming everyday
Why’d you put that bear trap in the seat on my Chevrolet
Had a feeling that you wouldn’t stay

Hillbilly love
Momma wouldn’t wanna hear the things you say
Hillbilly love
My cars on blocks, can’t drive home anyway

When you pissed in my moonshine
I made another batch
You let your dog shit in it, then you said
Down the hatch!
I’m beginning to think
You don’t like me very much
You sterilized the flesh I tried to touch

Hillbilly love
You poked me in the eye with a straw of hay
Hillbilly love
I said I think I love ya anyway

One day you did something
I never can forgive
I can’t believe you did it
I don’t know how I’ll live
The lowest of the low
The meanest of the mean
How could you hurt my dear old love machine

Hillbilly love
You scratched my truck and now I’m sure I know
Hillbilly love
Oh my lord that bitch has got to go.


from Ribbed For Your Pleasure, released July 1, 2002




Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more


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