Ribbed For Your Pleasure

by Roadside Attraction

supported by
/
  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Also includes my newest ebook "Short Stories and Chicken Recipes".

     $7 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD)

    "Ribbed For Your Pleasure" on CD featuring the hit songs "Whale Blubber" and "Two Of Me". Only a few copies left and no more will be printed!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ribbed For Your Pleasure via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 13 

     $10 USD

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 27 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly), Until We Both Drop Dead, The Legend of Ms Garcia, Kissing In The Rain, Pretty From The Back (Album and Film), Super Dan, Rudolph the Blood Soaked Reindeer, Here Comes My Baby, and 19 more. , and , .

     $40.95 USD or more (35% OFF)

     

1.
2.
3.
03:21
4.
03:38
5.
6.
7.
03:09
8.
9.
03:38
10.

about

This groundbreaking CD careens wildy from one style to the next encompassing flavors of funk, Latin, bluegrass, and more. In writing these songs I was equally at home with serious issues of struggling through life on a path I wasn't sure about, to indulging my sense of humor for the first time in songs about homocidal schizos in the love and co-dependent rednecks.

credits

released July 1, 2002

tags

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist

about

Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Track Name: Brand New World
When you least expect it
Destiny takes you by the hand
And leads you to the promised land
I found myself at the gates, yeah
I kinda thought I was late, yeah
I closed my eyes and jumped into the sand

Just like magic
It’s a brand new world
Chance poetic
It’s a brand new world
Take that chance
And let your flag unfurl
Face down fear
Cuz it’s a brand new world

New ways of thought are frightening
It hits you just like lightning
Pulls the floor from right under your feet
It's time to rise like the Phoenix
Pull the chain and I mean it’s
Our time to shine in the light

You never know when change might come
You never know what tomorrow brings
Track Name: World Of Make Believe
I’ve seen it before
And man, I’d love to see it again
I’ve been there before
I really want to be there again
It’s like a dream I’m having
My little piece of heaven
I’m trying to keep reality from setting in

I wonder if I’ll
Ever come back
And I wonder if I even could

Well it’s over now
And I don’t know how
And I’m living in a world of make believe
Well it’s over now
And I don’t know how
And I’m living in a world of make believe

I sit and think back
My brain drifts over and out
There’s only one track
My train of thought is headed south
I can’t remember the last time
I paid attention to the signs
My concentration’s going down for the count

Slidin’ down
Slippy slope
Close my eyes
I’m losing hope
Of ever getting out of the clouds
Can’t get back like JoJo
So I guess I’m gonna go
Back in the mental cave that I found
You can ask
I’ll say ‘What?”
Don’t repeat
My ears are shut
Track Name: Special Ways
I got special ways to make you want me
I got special ways to make you groove
I got special ways to make you love me day and night
The truth is any way you choose

I got special ways to make you want me
I got special ways to bring out the freak in you
I got special ways to drown you in my sea of love
To find out the truth we gotta cruise

I can strip you on your inhibitions
I can tie you to your imagination
Spank you with your self control
And let you taste…my fruit

I got special ways to get you naked
Ways to get you on your knees to pray
special ways the lord above done gave me
And the truth is gonna make you stay
Track Name: Judgment Day
I play my music blaring loud
To drown out every thought of you
And the things you say
You never felt freedom like I know now
Cuz I found those you do not judge, never make me pay

Why is every day judgment day?
Why can’t you look at me and say it’s ok?
Why does my life offend you so?
Maybe you should just go

It’s not just you, everyone’s the same
Check out each other and decide the game and the outcome
Well that’s one game I don’t wanna play
Worst case and best case pain
Track Name: Whale Blubber
You and I were talking
About how much we love each other
Saying things that lovers say
Promises kept til our dying day, oh yeah
I turned to you, one thought in mind
Hoping that you’d make the sacrifice
Hoped you wouldn’t run away
Hoped you wouldn’t hate the things I’d say

I’d lie down in the rain
I’d swallow all the pain
Of a hundred thousand invertebrates
Chomping at my brain
But would you eat whale blubber for me
I’d blow a grizzly bear
Shave off all my body hair
I’d sucker punch an old grandma
Just because I care
But would you eat whale blubber for me

Our love is like a junkyard
Full and worth so much to someone
That someone is us
Our junkyard of lust, oh yeah.
I turned to you on bended knee
You passed the joint and I could see your love
You love for me is all too real
I’m hoping that you’ll prove it with a meal

I’d lie down in the rain
I’d swallow all the pain
Of a hundred thousand invertebrates
Chomping at my brain
But would you eat whale blubber for me
I’d lick up all the crust
From the tires of your truck
I’d have gay sex with Donald Duck
I just don’t give a
Ahh…ahh…ahh
But would you eat whale blubber for me
Track Name: Two Of Me
If I was me I’d kick my ass
If I was me you’d never last
But I’m not me
What the hell am I gonna do?
She got he
And I’m the one that got screwed
Stop the ride , I wanna get off
We share a brain, I’d make it stop
But how?

There’s two of me
But only one loves her
The other inside will commit homocide
She loves me
If the other doesn’t kill her I’ll feel fine

Why won’t you leave us alone?
You make me heave, wretch a lot and groan
But you won’t go
I’ma have to get rough now
Run for the door
I set fire to your stuff now
You better run before you’re in too deep
Cuz I can take you out when you’re asleep

If I was me, you’d be dead
If I was me, I’d bludgeon in your head
But I’m not me
What the hell am I gonna do?
She got he
And I’m the one that got screwed
Stop the ride , I wanna get off
We share a brain, I’d make it stop
But how?
Track Name: Chasing The Sun
We felt on top of the world
We thought that no one could stop us
Why did life stand in our way
Now it feels like chasing the sun
Now I feel like chasing the sun

I stand here all alone
Wondering where everybody went
See how the time has flown
Thinking what we had was heaven sent

Those days seem far away
How could the hands have moved so fast
I still feel much the same
Still innocent yet wiser than the past

Have you seen where I’ve been?
Have you see where I’m going to?
Track Name: Underground
Every lady in the land want a man
To take her by the hand
Take her to the show
Gotta gotta go
To see the Roadside
Cuz you’re fit to be tied
Hear the rock do the roll
And the go cat go
We ain’t no weekend warriors
Big fish storiers
Gonna get signed
Gonna sign on the dotted line
Take it to the top
We rock, we ain’t hip-hop
Until we wanna break it down
Fuck the underground

Fuck the underground

Everybody says
Hey let’s get together
We can make the scene much better (better)
Take from us on an upswing
Jump on our club thing
Get on the stage and sing your best dream
What do we get in return?
A burn
Nothing like a gig or a phone call returned
Well screw you all
We’ll hit the next level
You stay here and just play your metal

Indie chic is a cop out
Slacker slogan for the losers to spout out
Don’t let the man get your money you sell out
I’m sure your gig at the Gap will put your disc out
You either do it or don’t
It’s cuz you can’t, not you won’t
If empty rooms float your boat
Good for you, for me they don’t
Get out my way, we’re freedom bound
Fuck the underground
Track Name: Hillbilly Love
When you two stepped on my heart
I had a feeling we would part
I should have seen it coming everyday
Why’d you put that bear trap in the seat on my Chevrolet
Had a feeling that you wouldn’t stay

Hillbilly love
Momma wouldn’t wanna hear the things you say
Hillbilly love
My cars on blocks, can’t drive home anyway

When you pissed in my moonshine
I made another batch
You let your dog shit in it, then you said
Down the hatch!
I’m beginning to think
You don’t like me very much
You sterilized the flesh I tried to touch

Hillbilly love
You poked me in the eye with a straw of hay
Hillbilly love
I said I think I love ya anyway

One day you did something
I never can forgive
I can’t believe you did it
I don’t know how I’ll live
The lowest of the low
The meanest of the mean
How could you hurt my dear old love machine

Hillbilly love
You scratched my truck and now I’m sure I know
Hillbilly love
Oh my lord that bitch has got to go.