Designer Babies
by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction
-
Streaming + DownloadIncludes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.Purchasable with gift card
$0.99 USD or more
-
Full Digital Discography
Get all 47 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Copacabana, Designer Babies, Do You Believe In Tragic?, Kitties and Boobs, Dodged A Bullet, Kissing In The Rain (2022 Remaster), Happiest Place On Earth, I'm Not Really In The Christmas Mood This Year (feat. Dave Leon), and 39 more.
Purchasable with gift card$56.78 USD or more (35% OFF)
about
It's the year 2030. Technology has given us the ability to create designer babies in artificial wombs and they've become a fashionable luxury good like handbags.
But out there is a douchebag who wants a low maintenance (and very badly designed) baby to use as a "cute magnet" to hit on women.
But out there is a douchebag who wants a low maintenance (and very badly designed) baby to use as a "cute magnet" to hit on women.
lyrics
I'm gonna get me designer babies
The kind that don't eat, don't cry, don't sheeeit
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
Every parent says they want a tot
That's got all ten fingers and toes
That ain't enough for me
I'm a man of means
I got fast cars and fancy clothes
So don't tell me I can't have a kid
Who's lined in royal Burberry check
And don't tell me I can't have a tyke
With a top grade titanium neck
Chorus
The kid I get will be customized
Comin' straight out the robot womb
Hella strong like Rambo
Fast like a Lambo
Valentino walking into a room
So don't tell me I can't have a kid
With Balenciaga monogram eyes
And don't tell me I can't have a tyke
Who out the gate bakes really good pies
Chorus
Bridge
Au naturale? How quaint.
My baby'll walk the catwalk at Fashion Week
Birth canal? Ok…
Yours will be all goo goo, mine'll be chic
In fact you might say I'm a feminist
An ally, a female supremacist
Cuz my women will be chillin' 'stead of pushing out chillin
One in the carriage is worth me in the bush
These babies will be having me smashin' hella
Smashin' hella
Smashin' hella puss
Yummy!
Chorus
I'm gonna get me designer babies
The kind that don’t grow, stay cute, stay small
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No doula, drooling, soccer, college
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
I'm gonna get me designer babies
The kind that don't eat, don't shit, don't cry
The kind that don't eat, don't cry, don't sheeeit
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
Every parent says they want a tot
That's got all ten fingers and toes
That ain't enough for me
I'm a man of means
I got fast cars and fancy clothes
So don't tell me I can't have a kid
Who's lined in royal Burberry check
And don't tell me I can't have a tyke
With a top grade titanium neck
Chorus
The kid I get will be customized
Comin' straight out the robot womb
Hella strong like Rambo
Fast like a Lambo
Valentino walking into a room
So don't tell me I can't have a kid
With Balenciaga monogram eyes
And don't tell me I can't have a tyke
Who out the gate bakes really good pies
Chorus
Bridge
Au naturale? How quaint.
My baby'll walk the catwalk at Fashion Week
Birth canal? Ok…
Yours will be all goo goo, mine'll be chic
In fact you might say I'm a feminist
An ally, a female supremacist
Cuz my women will be chillin' 'stead of pushing out chillin
One in the carriage is worth me in the bush
These babies will be having me smashin' hella
Smashin' hella
Smashin' hella puss
Yummy!
Chorus
I'm gonna get me designer babies
The kind that don’t grow, stay cute, stay small
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No doula, drooling, soccer, college
I'm gonna get me designer babies
No butthole
I'm gonna get me designer babies
The kind that don't eat, don't shit, don't cry
credits
released June 1, 2023
Music and Lyrics by Phil Johnson
Music and Lyrics by Phil Johnson
license
all rights reserved
tags
about
Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas
Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more
shows
-
May 3Clovis, CA
-
May 7Fairfax, CA
-
May 10Oakland, CA
-
May 30Santa Cruz, CA
-
Jun 14Lincoln City, OR
-
Jun 15Lincoln City, OR
-
Aug 30San Diego, CA
-
Aug 31San Diego, CA
discography
-
Apr 2024 -
Jun 2023 -
Jan 2023 -
May 2022
contact / help
Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction recommends:
-
Luminous Dark Alleys: The Insomniac Works
by Tah Phrum Duh BushTah is one the most eloquent rappers I've ever run across. This album about sleep deprivation brims with darkness and humor and all those bizarre thoughts you have at 3:37am.
go to album
If you like Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction, you may also like:
-
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John RobinsRobins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album -
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris GethardComedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album -
In A Time Of Trouble A Wild Exultation
by Jaye BartellA stunning and sparse follow-up to last year's "Light Enough" from Brooklyn songwriter Jaye Bartell.
go to album -
Just Putting It Out There
by Aparna NancherlaThis dry, wry, gently absurdist comedian's first album is the inaugural release for Tig Notaro's new label, Bentzen Ball Records.
go to album -
Mainstream American Comic
by Hari KondaboluPre-order the latest hilarious musings of this Brooklyn Comic from Kill Rock Stars.
go to album
