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    The Whole Band Live In Concert!
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  • The Whole Band Live In Concert!
    * 14 Song DVD and audio CD
    * 5.1 Surround Sound
    * 24 Track Digital Sound for spectacular clarity
    * Completely digital filming puts you right at the show!
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about

Roadside Attraction has always been at our best on stage. And finally you can have a high quality document of the Roadside Attraction concert experience to enjoy in your own home! Featuring the band's best known hits and brand new jams!

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released September 1, 2007

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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Track Name: Roadside Attraction - World Of Make Believe
I’ve seen it before
And man, I’d love to see it again
I’ve been there before
I really want to be there again
It’s like a dream I’m having
My little piece of heaven
I’m trying to keep reality from setting in

I wonder if I’ll
Ever come back
And I wonder if I even could

Well it’s over now
And I don’t know how
And I’m living in a world of make believe
Well it’s over now
And I don’t know how
And I’m living in a world of make believe

I sit and think back
My brain drifts over and out
There’s only one track
My train of thought is headed south
I can’t remember the last time
I paid attention to the signs
My concentration’s going down for the count

Slidin’ down
Slippy slope
Close my eyes
I’m losing hope
Of ever getting out of the clouds
Can’t get back like JoJo
So I guess I’m gonna go
Back in the mental cave that I found
You can ask
I’ll say ‘What?”
Don’t repeat
My ears are shut

Chorus
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Asshole
I know you’ve got aspirations
Of being the boss one day
Who put that stick up your ass anyway
Poster boy for company castration
You grovel and you kiss the ground
Go deep you just might make your whole face brown
You’re the assistant manager company boy you sad pathetic fuck

You’re and asshole
And I don’t like you very much
That water cooler might look better
Stuck right up your butt
Cuz you’re and asshole
I can’t believe you’re still employed
The company’s public image
Must be one big hemorrhoid
Cuz you’re an asshole
You’re an asshole Oh oh

You stick your nose deep in everyone’s business
Well stay the hell out of mine
You know it’ll come back to bite you in time
I might just tell everyone here tonight
That little thing I know about you
I saw you in the closet sniffing glue
And fellating a sheep in the copier room while the CEO tells you that

Chorus

You must be related to someone
It’s the only way you coulda got here
Underqualified, understatement of the year
A left handed rabid crack-head chimpanzee
Could do the job better than you
You could even screw up flinging poo
You’re the stupidest person that I’ve ever met
And I just wanna ring your goddamned neck

Chorus

This song might offend a few
But hopefully no one in this room
But if you’re not singing then it’s true
That I’m singing this here song about you

Chorus
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Hey Little Goth Girl
Hey little goth girl why you look so sad?
Did your little brother rip up your lace?
Silver spoon fall out your face?
Hey little goth girl why you look so sad?
Is death the only way out of this living hell?

Why evil princess, do you live in the dark?
Did your trust fund run out?
Crash your Beamer when you parked?

He little goth girl what’s the problem now?
Did your black lipstick plum run all out?
Satanic friends aren’t so devout?
Hey little goth girl what’s the problem now?
Maybe a little sun would help you out.

Why do you cry on the floor at the club?
Did you sit in some gum?
Latex pants start to rub?

Hey little goth girl why you look so sad?
Did your boyfriend get his pale ass beat?
Maid ask you to wipe your feet?
Hey little goth girl why you look so sad?
You’ve got the money get a therapist.
You’ve got the money get a therapist.
You’ve got the money, why are you so pissed?
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Share My Pixie Dust
And she won’t say why
When I ask her why she cries
She’s never been in love before
And the future scares her more and more
Cuz I’m not the kind of guy
Her girlhood dreams designed

And she can’t understand why I’m
Not worried at all
And this is what I tell when I
Tell her we won’t fall

I don’t have a million dollars
And I don’t drive a Mercedes Benz
But my heart is true
My soul is pure
I live on faith and trust
And you can share my pixie dust

She wonders if I’m the one
To take away all that’s wrong
Will I turn out like her dad
Or stand up and be a man
Can I provide all the things
Her shy little heart could need


..dust that holds our life together
Lighter than a feather
Every doubt in your mind
The trust
That knows I won’t deceive
With lies that you can see through
Cus I just ain’t that kind
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Two Of Me
If I was me I’d kick my ass
If I was me you’d never last
But I’m not me
What the hell am I gonna do?
She got he
And I’m the one that got screwed
Stop the ride , I wanna get off
We share a brain, I’d make it stop
But how?

Chorus
There’s two of me
But only one loves her
The other inside will commit homocide
She loves me
If the other doesn’t kill her I’ll feel fine
Verse
Why won’t you leave us alone?
You make me heave, wretch a lot and groan
But you won’t go
I’ma have to get rough now
Run for the door
I set fire to your stuff now
You better run before you’re in too deep
Cuz I can take you out when you’re asleep

If I was me, you’d be dead
If I was me, I’d bludgeon in your head
But I’m not me
What the hell am I gonna do?
She got he
And I’m the one that got screwed
Stop the ride , I wanna get off
We share a brain, I’d make it stop
But how?
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Horizontal Tango
I… I can’t live without you
My tears in a flood
Would drain all my blood
Without your love

And you… You can’t live without me
Your life would be bare
No one to pull your hair
While you’re down on your knees

Chorus
But let’s do the horizontal tango
Gonna take you home baby
Make you squeal like a pig
Let’s do the horizontal tango
Got my chips and whips
Swivelly hips and my creamy ranch dip
Let’s do the horizontal tango
You’re kinda freaky
Like a homeless guy, but cute

And you… You dance so divinely
Pressed up against me
Feeling ever so free
Wearing only whipped cream

And I… Can’t stand it much longer
I’ll have to stop you
For a minute or two
Or it’s over too soon

Chorus

Baby…..
This has never happened before
‘Cept with you….
But…

Chorus
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - LCW
If I could see with you eyes
If I could breathe with your lips
If I could love with your heart
Then I could start
To be just like you

Chorus
A lying cheating whore
Who never does me right
Blows my friends on poker
Only goes into my jeans to strip my wallet clean
You’re a lying cheating whore

If I could dress like a slut
Make more home deliveries than Pizza Hut
If I could show my tits to every biker that passed
Then I’d have man boobs
And boy would that suck

Chorus
But you’re a lying cheating whore
Who’s special cherry pie
Reminds me of a sewer line
Who drops trou at the drop of a hat
You’d make a good rat trap
You’re a lying cheating whore

You’ll never know
How hard I cried
When you said those three little words
… It’s too small

Chorus
But you’re a lying cheating whore
Who’s hole is much too big
It’s an archeological dig
They found the last poor schmuck
Who fell in when you fucked
You’re a lying cheating whore

If I were drunk
You might still be hot
But only followed by a penicillin shot
Cuz you’re a lying cheating whore
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Hella Good Day
Kind of day where I feel like I wear a crown
Take my car gonna drive all around the town
See a girl walkin’ by never know her name
But I don’t mind cuz it’s gonna be just a hella good day
Got some money in my pocket and my belly’s full
Feelin’ fine in my ride and I’m looking cool
All my friends wave at me as I pass and say
There’s a guy that’s gonna have just a hella good day

What’s a hella good day in my little world?
How ‘bout a hearty lunch with my favorite girl
Shoot the dice, win a hundred bucks at craps
Hittin’ Disneyland without any maps
Now this may not be your favorite way
But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day

Chorus

Hella good day means some extra sleep
But not too late cuz I got a date to keep
My favorite cartoons are on the tube today
My girl’s coming over, she needs to just get laid
Now this may not be your favorite way
But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day

Chorus

Hella good means I get to jam tonight
Makin’ noise with the boys that I know you’ll like
Happy people on the floor in front of me
Scremin’ more like it’s musical extasy
Crawlin’ home and getting in my bed
Amplifiers ringing in my head
Star Wars novel waiting there for me
I’ve read every single one you see
Now this may not be your favorite way
But I don’t care, cuz this is my hella good day

Chorus
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - What Santa Wants
When I was a young warthog I asked for a Xmas gift
A Red Ryder bb gun to give my world a little lift
They said I’d shoot my eye out, but I asked Santa anyway
I put out the milk and cookies and woke up on Xmas day
To find two packs of underwear, a turtle neck, and a book on the chemical composition of fossils found in Antarctic glaciers

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

Chorus
A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine

I went on a search to get what I need and I found it in my hood
I met a guy who had the stuff to get Santa off real good
He said “Xmas time is yours this year. The fat man will love these chicks.
They do this special Xmas trick with tree flocking, curling ribbon, and egg nog.”

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine

I went downstairs to take a little peek
And the man with the beard to see what I could see
He did the line and he did the booze, but he hadn’t touched the ho’s
Could Santa be gay?
Oh no, there he goes

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Brown Ring Around The Collar
Everyone can hear you coming from five miles away
In your juiced up Chevrolet
Windows rattle with the noise
They’re going thump thump thump
I pull up next to you at a red stop light
Looking to my right, see you wear ear plugs
You’re Forrest Gump Gump Gump
You’re Forrest Gump Gump Gump

And I hope that you’re chest implodes
When your speakers blow out

Chorus
Brown Ring Around The Collar
Do you know that your head’s up your ass today?
Brown Ring Around The Collar
I would ask that you please do not procreate
Brown Ring Around The Collar
Is it hard to eat? Is it hard to poop?
Brown Ring Around The Collar
Are you stuck in an endless fecal feedback loop?

Got an order for me and the five other guys
Hit the fast food joint with wide open eyes
Not a drink in sight, but you don’t realize
You’re a chump chump chump
You ask for here or to go and I say
Do I look that hungry anyway, Asshole?
You stare right back at me with those two blank eyes
Like a lump lump lump

And I hope that you choke on the fry
That you stole from the trash

Chorus

Bridge
Hey bendejo
Hey bobosso
Hey bendejo, yeah!
Hey bendejo
Hey, hey, hey, what!
God damn stupid people piss me off

98 degrees in the shade and you’re waiting in line
Six hours at a time in a place made for play
Miss fashion plate’s gotta have her high heels on
She’s going clump clump clump
Your ankles swell to the size of two small dogs
By the end of the day
At least swap the nine inch heels away
For some pump pump pumps

And I hope that your heel breaks off
And birds shit on your dress

Chorus
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Rumpalicious Booty Shaker
Come on inside
There ain’t no charge now
We want to see you here
The cover’s optional my dear
Do I make myself clear?
We got the stuff to get you high
Won’t you come on in?
Chemicals are false my dear
It’s more like original sin
Back in the corner the freaks get freaky
Out on the floor the love gets high
DJ plays the beats that free me
Baby won’t you come inside?
The Rumpalicious Booty Shaker

Chorus
Take your shoes off
Let your hair down
Take those drawers off
Make a love sound

Verse 2
Welcome welcome
Don’t be shy
Let me take your hand
This sure ain’t no dead man’s party
So bring that body in
Your gonna want to do things
You wouldn’t even do alone
We’re gonna do some things to you
Gonna make you scream and moan
Come on shake what ya momma gave you
Leave inhibition far behind
Do what your body tells you to do
Oh yeah baby, you’re my kind
Of Rumpalicious Booty Shaker

Chorus

White boys can’t funk
Repeat

Let’s pretend that we break up
So we can make up
And I got some slack that you can take up
Like the purple one said when he got in your head
And on top of the bed
Ain’t no one else around
I tie you with a blindfold, gagged and bound
I don’t mind
Cuz it’s all about sex
And lovin’ this life and the next
That’s my cosmic talk
You don’t think I’m hard?
It ain’t bizarre
Just watch me play this guitar
Guitar Solo

Everybody up in the place
Get up in my face
Get up in my face
Repeat
Track Name: Roadside Attraction - Whale Blubber
You and I were talking
About how much we love each other
Saying things that lovers say
Promises kept til our dying day, oh yeah
I turned to you, one thought in mind
Hoping that you’d make the sacrifice
Hoped you wouldn’t run away
Hoped you wouldn’t hate the things I’d say

I’d lie down in the rain
I’d swallow all the pain
Of a hundred thousand invertebrates
Chomping at my brain
But would you eat whale blubber for me
I’d blow a grizzly bear
Shave off all my body hair
I’d sucker punch an old grandma
Just because I care
But would you eat whale blubber for me

Our love is like a junkyard
Full and worth so much to someone
That someone is us
Our junkyard of lust, oh yeah.
I turned to you on bended knee
You passed the joint and I could see your love
You love for me is all too real
I’m hoping that you’ll prove it with a meal

I’d lie down in the rain
I’d swallow all the pain
Of a hundred thousand invertebrates
Chomping at my brain
But would you eat whale blubber for me
I’d lick up all the crust
From the tires of your truck
I’d have gay sex with Donald Duck
I just don’t give a
Ahh…ahh…ahh
But would you eat whale blubber for me