Roadside Attraction - What Santa Wants

from by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

/

about

A tale of alcohol, drugs, firearms, prostitutes, and Santa Claus. Fun for the whole family. This song got us banned from performing at San Jose's Christmas in the Park ever again.

lyrics

When I was a young warthog I asked for a Xmas gift
A Red Ryder bb gun to give my world a little lift
They said I’d shoot my eye out, but I asked Santa anyway
I put out the milk and cookies and woke up on Xmas day
To find two packs of underwear, a turtle neck, and a book on the chemical composition of fossils found in Antarctic glaciers

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

Chorus
A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine

I went on a search to get what I need and I found it in my hood
I met a guy who had the stuff to get Santa off real good
He said “Xmas time is yours this year. The fat man will love these chicks.
They do this special Xmas trick with tree flocking, curling ribbon, and egg nog.”

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine

I went downstairs to take a little peek
And the man with the beard to see what I could see
He did the line and he did the booze, but he hadn’t touched the ho’s
Could Santa be gay?
Oh no, there he goes

But I got a new trick to make Santa click and give me everything I want
Cuz I know what Santa wants

A bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine
Santa’s damn generous when he’s feeling no pain
Cookies and milk are nice, but they just ain’t the same
As a bottle of whiskey, two hookers, and a line of cocaine

credits

from Raising A Rockus, released September 1, 2007

license

tags

about

Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns