/
  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

     $0.90 USD  or more

     

  • T-Shirt/Apparel

    High quality t-shirts that say "Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot". Tell the world how you really feel!

    Comes in Small-XXL and a variety of colors. You pick the size, I'll pick the color.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

     $15 USD

     

  • Phil's Newest Stand-Up Comedy DVD!
    * An hour of comedy and music including special bonus extra songs and jokes, a Q&A with Phil, and the Mystery Of The Red Shirt revealed!
    * Free audio CD included
    * Completely new material
    * Widescreen format.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

     $20 USD or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 27 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly), Until We Both Drop Dead, The Legend of Ms Garcia, Kissing In The Rain, Pretty From The Back (Album and Film), Super Dan, Rudolph the Blood Soaked Reindeer, Here Comes My Baby, and 19 more. , and , .

     $40.95 USD or more (35% OFF)

     

about

Women are always trying to look hot to attract the right guy. And right under their noses is a class of men that don’t care how hot they are. Geeks. Geeks don’t care if you’re super hot. Geeks care that you don’t have a penis.

lyrics

You don't have to be anorexic like a teenage pop star
And it's totally cool if you've got some scars
If you want to be sure that you'll wed
Play the Imperial March when he comes to bed
He'll be the world's most perfect suitor
When he sees the tattoo of Captain Kirk on your hooters

With a geek buy your side
Even if your butt is wide
You can roll with pride through the Ren Faire

With a geek you'll be fine
You can look like Frankenstein
He will not decline
You're the answer to his prayers
Cuz geeks don't care

If you dress like slave girl Princess Leia
There's a really good chance that he'll wanna lay ya
On a king size bed with Harry Potter sheets
Call him Lord Vader when he skeet skeet skeets
Always tell him that he's your guitar here
You'll be his final fantasy

With a geek you’ll be glad
Cuz baldness ain’t so bad
Sigourney Weaver looked totally rad
In Alien with no hair
Cuz geeks don’t care.

With a geek you’ll be on track
Even with your hairy back
He’ll supply you with what you lack
A lifetime supply of Nair.

He’s a five, you’re a five
Together you’re a ten
Some hot geek love
Is set to begin

With a geek you’ll be hot
It’s just a little jungle rot
Just flash a little coin slot
And he’ll forget it’s there

With a geek life is good
If you’re breathing he’ll get wood
Lepers are misunderstood
You’re just a crusty teddy bear

Cuz geeks don’t care.

credits

from Be Yourself​.​.​.​Unless You're An Idiot, released August 25, 2010

tags

license

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist

about

Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns