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  • T-Shirt/Apparel + Digital Album

    High quality t-shirts that say "Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot". Tell the world how you really feel!

    Comes in Small-XXL and a variety of colors. You pick the size, I'll pick the color.

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  • Phil's Newest Stand-Up Comedy DVD!
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    * Free audio CD included
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  • Full Digital Discography

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly), Until We Both Drop Dead, The Legend of Ms Garcia, Kissing In The Rain, Pretty From The Back (Album and Film), Super Dan, Rudolph the Blood Soaked Reindeer, Here Comes My Baby, and 19 more. , and , .

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about

Relationship and sex experts always talk about using games and role-play in the bedroom to keep things interesting. Here are my ideas on it.

lyrics

Baby we got a love life
To shame all others
You and me go great together
Like chocolate and peanut butter
But baby let's flip the script
Change it up a little bit

Let's have bad porno sex
I'll leave my socks on for you
Bad porno sex
Wacka chuka wacka chuckety choo
Bad porno sex will have you wrapped around my fingers
Like a teenage runaway
Banging a homely middle aged dude
For money

You'll be my lady
I'll be your overly hairy man
You are my baby
I'll give you some bad meat in the can
You'll have a spray on tan

Let's have bad porno sex
I'll cut a hole in the pizza box
Bad porno sex
Wacka chuka when the pizza boy knocks
Bad porno sex in a nondescript hotel room
You're a straight F college girl
I'm a morally ambiguous
Professor

Let's pretend that you just got some really bad plastic boobs
Nipples that point in the wrong direction get me harder than a Rubik's Cube
You be the housewife and I'll be the plumber that snakes your drain

Let's have bad porno sex
We'll flop around til our interest wanes
Bad porno sex
At least the sheets won't have any stains
Bad porno sex will leave us both unsatisfied
Which really only means we'll have to do it again
But after South Park
Cuz baby I don't miss my South Park
For nothing
Yeah I really like when little Cartman goes "Hey, Screw you guys!"
I really think that's funny
And right now that's more entertaining
Than your vagina
But when Kenny's dead I'll bend you over
For some bad porno sex

credits

from Be Yourself​.​.​.​Unless You're An Idiot, track released August 25, 2010

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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