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about

As a Disneyland fanatic and company stockholder, I get a lot of inside information about the secret ways Disneyland makes money off it's patrons. I felt it my duty to illuminate.

lyrics

I took an early plane at 7:45
I drove up to the gate of that gleam in Mickey's eye
Gave the parking guy my wallet
And he sucked that puppy dry
Guess I'll hit the ATM inside of the

Happiest place on earth
Where any discount that they offer is just a little joke
And you have to get a bank loan for a churro and a coke
Mickey's got a strong pimp hand
At Disneyland

I strolled on through the gates of this wondrous magic place
And I was met by a mouse up in my face
And I know his name is Mickey
But his palms are a little sticky
Now my wallet's gone without a trace
Goddamn rat

At the happiest place on earth
Where all the birds look like they're talking
And plastic flowers bloom
Cuz Goofy's selling roofies inside the Tiki Room.
Mickey's got a strong pimp hand
At Disneyland

All I wanted was a t-shirt
Why oh why does my butt hurt?
Minnie Mouse is a big flirt
Just put the money on the dresser
And if you can't pay your way in
Be aware of Mickey's hit men
There's seven of the little kin
Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, and Trigger Happy

I stepped onto a boat to hear the children sing
It's A Small World is such a sweet refrain
Then I saw something that had me quite confused
A bunch of them were making tennis shoes

At the happiest place on earth
Where you lose all of your money playing cards with Donald Duck
And for just a little honey Winnie the Pooh will give you a good....
Mickey's got a strong pimp hand
At Disneyland
Don't end up in a shallow grave by a murderous little dwarf
At Disneyland

credits

from What Color Is Your Laugh?, released September 15, 2008

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Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas

Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more

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